Tough Love Required
23 May 2011 Leave a Comment
Today Bubs is getting a new lesson…. a lesson in Tough Love. A lesson that will hopefully carry on with him for the rest of his life so that one day I will get a phone call from the woman that was lucky enough to marry momma’s little man THANKING me for teaching his this most valuable lesson…
What could the Tough Love Lesson possibly be you might ask? This lesson is one that, if learned now, will truly make his life easier, for him and everyone else. Today we learn the valuable lesson known as… PICKING UP AFTER YOURSELF. Simple right? You get something out, you put it away. It has occurred to me though that there are MANY a people that are not taught this lesson when they are young and grow up to be messy and sloppy and they spend their adult years making life crazy for others. (are we sensing there are some underlying issues here yet?)
For example….. Bubs dear dad… the man notorious for getting stuff out and not picking it up… like yesterday when he went to Wal-Mart and came home with some lights and fixtures he had found on the clearance rack. BUT instead of putting them away until the day comes that he decides to do something with them he just leaves the open boxes lay on the counters. And this morning I find that there is trash laying on the counters… why would there be trash on the counters??? Because when he opened the closet and saw the trash can was full he decided to not take the bag out to the dumpster…. knowing that instead I would wake up in the morning and start cleaning this disaster of a house and do it myself. He also decided that last night before he put bubs to bed that he wasn’t going to make him clean up his room. EVERY night bubs is supposed to pick up his toys and clean up his room. I usually sit in the floor and help him, but make him do most of the work, but not daddy… he says do it and if it doesn’t get done he just puts Jordan to bed so I can deal with it in the morning. This is what has lead to bubs very long, very bad day today.
When I woke this morning and saw that his room looked like the aftermath of a hurricane, I snapped. TOUGH LOVE has taken over. I put bubs in his room, unplugged his tv (if I simply turn it off he just turns it back on), and told him that he WILL NOT come out of his room until he picks up his mess. And for the last 2 hours he has been fussing with me over picking them up. I closed his door and told him he was stuck there until I could walk across his floor… and this time I AM NOT helping him. I know… this might sound kinda mean, but I REFUSE to be the future mother in law of a beautiful woman that HATES me because I didn’t teach him to pick up after himself. He is 3 years old now and needs to start leaning that he is responsible for his messes. My child is slightly spoiled and gets whatever he wants so he is having a very hard time with this today. I imagine it is going to be a very long day at our house. And if the end of the day comes and he still has not picked up his mess, he will spend the day tomorrow in there as well. Or maybe he will wake in the morning and find he has no toys at all…. I guess we shall wait and see.
Finding Peace in Chaos
15 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
It wasn’t long after I found out I was pregnant that I found out there were problems. I found out I was pregnant in August and in November the doctors were starting to find some abnormalities on the ultrasounds. By December my OB was referring me to a high risk specialist to carry out the remainder of the pregnancy. The first order of business was getting a high resolution ultrasound to better see what was going on. There was NO way I was going to be able to go through this alone, so with Mom and my Aunt Crystal by my side, I went for the test.
After finding some “concerning traits” the doctor requested we do an amniocentesis. After careful considerations I decided it was better for me to know if there were problems, so we did it. We met with a geneticist who discussed the possibilities and educated us on what was about to happen. I knew she was down playing it some because she was being very optimistic while the Dr told me he wanted me to have the test done NOW… no waiting or coming back, we needed to have it done asap.
And so I did. The geneticist told us we would have the first round of results back from the Amnio in a 10 days. The first results would be from test for the most common genetic abnormalities; Down syndrone, trisome 13, and a few others. Then it would take another week to test for all of the less common problems.
The days between the test and the results were LONG to say the least. I spent much time crying on moms shoulder, trying to make all this make sense. 11 Days after the amnio I received a phone call from the geneticist telling me the first round of test had come back fine, and that was very promising because other abnormalities were incredibly uncommon. So we continued to wait, this time with more hope than we had previously had. After another week had passed, and Christmas was only days away, we received the next phone call. This time I was greeted with a less optimistic voice on the other end of the phone requesting that we make a time to come in to her office in the next few days. I knew there was something wrong. We scheduled immediately, mom took off work and Aunt Barb joined the caravan to head to the hospital. It was one of the longest car rides of my life.
When we got tot he hospital it was like she was waiting for us. She took us to her office immediately where she pulled out a few pieces of paper to sit in front of us and said “We have some bad news.” The next 20 minutes seem like the drug on forever.
What were all these big words she was saying? What did this mean? At the end of it all, I was just confused. How could she KNOW my baby wasn’t going to make it? How could they be SURE? After this all start to set in, we went to talk to the Dr. He told me this particular genetic mutation had only been seen in 7 kids before Caleb… ever. Just 7 kids. That meant there wasn’t much to go on here, we were kinda flying blind. They didn’t know much but they did know that this was a terminal illness. They doctors then asked the million dollar question…
Knowing that there was no possible way that Caleb was going to make it, did I want to terminate the pregnancy? Did I WHAT? How could I ever do that? I immediately told the doctor there was no way, I wasn’t going to do it.
I spent the next few months looking for a way to find some sort of piece in all the chaos… some way to come to terms with what was about to happen in my life. I left grandmas and returned to moms, where I spent more time crying than anything else. I couldn’t understand how this could happen, but I knew I would only drive myself crazy trying to figure it out.
There was a lot of soul searching going on between December and March. A lot of me figuring out who I was……..
Telling Grandma What She Already Knew
11 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
in children, Family, Life Tags: children, coming home, death, finding yourself, growing up, life
** Part 2 of our story. If you missed yesterday’s post, you can read it here. **
Waking up this next morning, I felt relief. For the first time in weeks I didn’t have instant anxiety attacks when I opened my eyes. Grandma stuck her head into my room and told me breakfast was on the table, come eat. I stood up, walked 4 steps towards the door and saw a big glass of milk on the table with a plate of biscuits and gravy and instantly ran in the other directions. I spent the next 2 hours with my head in a trash can. See, until that morning I hadn’t even thought about eating real food, so I had no idea that for the next 9 months milk would be my worst enemy. I couldn’t even look at milk. And the smell of gravy… that was just a nightmare. Making it 9 months without Biscuits and Gravy in Granny’s house wasn’t an option though, so I was gonna have to learn to man up!
Anyways… after I had laid in the bathroom floor most of the morning, Granny came in, sat beside me on the bathtub ledge and says “You ready to tell me whats going on yet?” The look in her eyes said don’t hold back, I already know. So out it came. It was nice to get it all out there, not have this secret all to myself anymore. I hadn’t even told Baby Daddy at that point in time. I had been so sick no one thought it was morning sickness, as far as everyone else know I had a bad case of the flu.
I remember her words like they were yesterday. “Well, you’re right, you’ve messed up. But there is no taking it back so we will just move forward. We will deal with it and we will be happy this has happened in the end.” This is one of those 20/20 hindsight moments. Looking back… I don’t know that I can say I am happy it happened, but I guess I can see where everything happened for a reason. But that’s getting ahead of ourselves.
The next big job was telling everyone else, starting with The Baby Daddy, we shall call him Michael for the purposes of this conversation. The last thing I really wanted to do was tell Michael, and in an effort to avoid the fallout that would come from this exciting news, I opted for a phone call. I believe it went something like “Hey, sorry I left yesterday without saying anything. I was a little distracted. Why?? Umm… well… it appears that I am pregnant. Yea, I’m being yelled for, gotta go. Call ya later.” CLICK. Then I avoided the phone calls for a while.
Then came mom. This was gonna be worse than telling Granny. And Michael. I was scared to tell mom! The thought of telling her made me cry. I didn’t want to do this, but I knew it was one of those things that I really couldn’t hide for long, so I just bit the bullet and decided now was better than later.
I knew mom would be ready to kill me. She kinda hated Michael, to say the least, and she was not going to be thrilled that her 19 year old daughter was pregnant. So, in what seemed like the best option at the time, I showed up to her work and tried to casually slip it into a conversation. I think it went something like “I need to make an appointment for next week. Oh, and by the way, you should probably know I am pregnant. Ok, glad to see you! Later” And I ran out the door. (Are we seeing a pattern in how I share this sorta news??)
If I said she was happy, I would be lying. BUT I can say that she came around much faster than I thought she would. It only took her a couple days to let it all set in, and then she was ready to accept it for what it was. There was nothing we could do to change it, so we would embrace it. She showed up at Grandma’s one day and we talked about it and made peace with what was going to be the biggest life changing event we had ever had. Caleb was 3 weeks old (so to speak) and had already forever changed my life, he was already my saving grace. I just didn’t know yet how much of a saving grace he would really be…
Has it really been 5 years?
09 Mar 2011 1 Comment
in children, Family, Life Tags: children, growing up, life, loss
** This one is really hard for me to write, so I am going to do it in segments over the next week or so. This story is too much for one post. **
This week is always a hard week for me. The days leading up to my birthday always take me back to my life’s biggest “You’re not a kid anymore” moment. Its hard to believe it has been five years since I lost Caleb…. 5 years since my life was changed forever.
Before Caleb I was a wild child, I had become I person I didn’t even really know. My life was consumed with parties, most days flowed freely into the next with little or no sleep. I was a person no one even recognized. I was in a relationship that was far from healthy, and my life could best be described as being in crumbles.
Then I found out I was pregnant. I think I knew before I ever took the test. Egg met Sperm I instantly being the girl from the exorcist… morning sickness does not justice to what I had!! I had been sick for 2 weeks before I ever took the test, so sick that I literally would crawl from my bed to the bathroom and back. No parties for me. But the day that test came back with 2 lines I made a decision. I was no longer going to be this person I didn’t know, this girl I hated with every ounce of feeling I could find in my soul.
I quit doing EVERYTHING. No questions asked, cold turkey, I just stopped. No drugs, no alcohol, no more binges followed by my body going into a coma just so it could recuperate. No more any of it. It wasn’t even anything I had to think twice about, it was a natural decision. Maybe I had been looking for a way out… a reason to stop the insanity, and this was it. Or maybe I just knew I had to quit. Either way, I was over it. I stopped it all and never looked back. I packed what I needed and I left my apartment that night. People were piling in for what had become a regular scene at my house, and I was leaving. Didn’t say a word to anyone, I just left…
And an hour later I showed up at grandmas door with a duffel bag in my hand and tears freely flowing from my face. She asked no question, actually I don’t think she even said a word. She just opened the door and gave me a hug. I was 19 years old but that night I was that 7 year old little girl again, curled up in grandmas lap searching for some comfort in my life, and letting everything else go . After what seemed like hours of crying and few spoken words, she walked me to my old bedroom, tucked me in, and told me we would talk about whatever was bothering me in the morning, after she got me some hot breakfast.
I have to believe she probably knew what was wrong, or at least had a pretty good idea. That’s why she didn’t even ask. She had 7 kids of her own, 5 of them girls, she had to have known. But at that moment I guess the “what” wasn’t so important. I think she was just glad to have me home. I went to bed knowing that I when I woke in the morning I would no longer be “alone”, and she would help me figure it all out.
Dreams Coming To Life
08 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
As I sit here looking at my what my birthday this year may bring, I have to see it as being a little bitter sweet. Its sweet because this year I turn 25, and that means I get the first installment of my inheritance. That brings us to the bitter part…. I am faced with reliving the past year of my life and looking at the loss that came from it, and knowing that while I am getting some sweetness from it, it still leaves a bitter taste.
I have thought about what to do with the money for some time now, and while I have gone back and forth on a few things, my heart has been set on starting my own business, which allows me to turn this gift into a means of sustaining myself for a long time. See, I have big dreams of starting my own “Party Rentals” business. I want to start with some inflatable and if i can do it right and stick to the plan, in 10 years I will be TAKING OVER THE WORLD.. hahaha. Just Kidding. But I will be running a very successful business that has “All your party needs covered!!” and we will be sitting pretty.
How nice would that be?? 35 years old and running my own business, being my own boss, and being damn good at what I do. I think it sounds great. And the best part is I am ready to take that first step. I can see my dreams unfolding in front of me, the time is here. I am being given one chance to make a difference in my own life, and I am ready to take it.
Now, not everyone in my life is as excited about this as I am. Actually, there are a couple negative nancys! But I guess you will always have that… people that either don’t want to see you succeed or people that want you to but think you can’t. Besides living out my dream, those people are my biggest motivation. I am ready to prove them wrong. WAY wrong. I know I can do it… even if they think I can’t.
Redemption?
17 Feb 2011 Leave a Comment
Good Morning My Loves! Sitting down to enjoy some Chocolate Milk with little one this morning (he insist I drink chocy milk instead of my usual orange juice) and writing a bit to start my morning.
Lets talk about Survivor Redemption Island for a minute… Boston Rob and Russel are fighting it out this season! At first I wasn’t sure how this was going to work, but it didn’t take long to see they were going to play similar games. Join forces with the young hottie girls and make them promises to go to the end. Anyone see that coming?? BIG moves for Kristina. First of all going right to it and looking for the idol (female version of Russel??) and FINDING it so fast!! WOW!! Picked a crappy alliance straight from the beginning that almost got her butt in some serious trouble but she was saved. Even BIGGER move when Boston Rob said give me the idol and be saved and she said no. And then she didn’t play it!! Bad a$$ from the beginning. I just hope she can recover from the whole “Philip is crazy” debacle.
Philip comes out right from the beginning and talks about being retired FBI and how he analyzes people… and everyone laughs and thinks he is crazy. Well… he is kinda crazy ( if all FBI dudes are this crazy we have some serious problems!) Most of the young ones have been quiet thus far, but I foresee that changing soon. I think Stephanie is going to be one to make a big splash soon.
I am looking forward to seeing more of this Redemption Island next week. Still not entirely sure how this is all going to work. Whatever the challenge is though, I don’t see Francesca lasting very long out there.
I guess we will soon see huh?
Well, that’s what I know this morning.
We the Jury find the defendent….
15 Feb 2011 Leave a Comment
in Community, Culture, Justice, Life Tags: Accident, law, murder, Ryan Widmer, trial, Warren County
Guilty of Murder. After only 12 hours of deliberations the jury has convicted Ryan Widmer of Murder. After 13 days of testimony, 44 witnesses (2 of whom we have NEVER heard from before) and 12 hours in the jury room, 6 men and 6 women came to the decision that Warren County Prosecutors proved beyond all reasonable doubt that Ryan Widmer Killed his wife in August of 2008.
Humm…. what do you even say about this??? I’m not sure. Lets start by saying no matter how you look at it, this is a sad situation. There are 2 sets of parents that have lost a child. Let me say that I can only hope that some sort of peace can be found in all of this. It is heartbreaking all around. I am appalled at the media for their hounding of Gary Widmer. The man was just told his son could be facing life in prison, he falls to the ground crying and reporters are still asking him how he feels about this. Seriously… how do you think he feels??? Absolutely Despicable. The same courtesy should have been extended to him as it was to Ruth Ann Steward.. they should have been escorted to their cars away from the media. Speaking of Ruth Ann, for the first time today she had an appearance of relief. It is finally over. My heart breaks for her though. In the matter of a few years she lost her husband and her daughter, something no family should ever face. Losing a husband is hard enough, to lose a child is the hardest thing you will ever face. She has kept her composure through out this whole ordeal and I applaud her for being such a strong figure and keeping her grace.
That said, I have to admit I am TOTALLY surprised. First off I can’t believe we got a verdict today. I was thinking at its earliest we would hear from them tomorrow. Second, and most surprising I think, is that the jury came back with a guilty of murder verdict. After seeing that the prosecution offered up an Involuntary manslaughter charge that could be considered, I have to believe that even they weren’t sure they would get a guilty on the murder charge. The manslaughter seemed like a second option to ensure some justice came from this trial and that Warren County wasn’t faced with a Forth trial. They have received much criticism for going after him a third time and don’t think they were ready to face the taxpayers over a forth trial. I didn’t think the prosecution would get a guilty on the murder. I did however believe they would get a guilty on manslaughter. I don’t feel that the prosecution filled their duty of provide certainty “Beyond All Reasonable Doubt”. That being said, we will know within the next 30 days if the defense team and the Widmer family feel the same way and file an appeal or if they stop here. I don’t believe that the family would go this far to give up now, but at this point in time you have to believe money is going to start playing a factor in their ability to continue to move forward. I believe I read they are nearly $500,000 in debt already. After 3 trials and 30 of the 36 jurors involved having voted guilty, I’m not sure what the likelihood of a more favorable verdict really is. Not to mention his appeal would go the 12th district court of appeals, which overturns less verdicts than any other court in the state of Ohio.
It will be interesting to see what follows in the days to come. There is already talk of jury misconduct (surprised anyone??) and book deals for mystery witnesses. And then there is Sarah Menherz, who finally showed up in court today. She is the other mystery woman that appears to be Ryan’s girlfriend and baby momma. Yea… like I said, the coming days will be interesting.
What Do I Know?
15 Feb 2011 Leave a Comment
Good Morning Loves!! We have lots to talk about today!!!
Lets start with old new. Yesterday afternoon closing arguments finished and the Jury for the Widmer trial went into deliberations. They were in discussions for 5 hours yesterday before calling it a night, and returned bright and early this morning. Opinions about this case have been running high since day one on this one. I think this is one of the most polarizing cases Warren County has ever seen, there seems to be little middle ground. Everyone you talk to is a die hard #FreeRyan or a die hard #JusticeForSarah. I am honestly surprised they were able to find a jury in Warren County. During the last trial the jury was in deliberations for 31 hours before they concluded that they were unable to come to a decision. With the option of Manslaughter on the table, I’m not sure how this is going to turn out this time.
The next hot topic around here seems to be the Stacy Schuler case (I will be closely following this one too). For those out of the loop let me give you the background -> Stacy Schuler is a 32 year old teacher that was employed with Mason High School for 10 years. She has been accused of performing multiple sex acts with students between August and December of last year. She is faced with 16 counts of sexual battery and 3 counts of providing alcohol to a minor. She was put in jail and held on $950,000 bond, but after her first visit with the judge, and her attorney, she was released on her own recognizance but has to wear an electronic monitoring device. The Judge gave her some advice before she left the courtroom “Know that your actions between now and your trial will greatly affect how you are viewed”. I can’t help but feel like the Judge gave this advice in light of another high profile case where the defendant didn’t act appropriately during their trial and in turn had “mystery witnesses” popping up all over the place.
Enough about all of Warren County’s misguided citizens… on to the next….
I am totally sore this morning! I actually took those first steps and hit the gym last night. I have been saying I was going to start going for a while now, and I hadn’t done it at all. BUT last week I got a membership to a new gym, one that is closer and more convenient and since those were my previous excuses, I had nothing stopping me. So last night I packed up my ipod and my favorite magazine and went to it. Needless to say, I felt much better when I got home. And this morning, despite the fact that I am way sore (I ran for 30 minutes and did the elliptical for 30 minutes) I feel good. I just need to get a routine down that keeps me going everyday and I will be doing good. I am also watching what I eat. This has been hard for me to get into as well, but I think I am doing ok. I hope that I can get a regular thing going and will start to see results for my work. Small steps… right?
<- I imagine I looked something like this walking out of the gym last night!!! 
Lets talk about children. I have been having a horrible time with Jordan eating. He just doesn’t want to do it! I have tried everything and can’t get him to eat dinner. He coughs and gags and until last night I was sure he was making himself do it so I wouldn’t make him eat. So last night I decided I was going to stand my ground. He gagged a few times and I kept making im eat. Then he projectile vomited all over my kitchen. I don’t know what to do. Part of me thinks he is just being stubborn, and part of me wonders if there is some sort of issue that is making him feel like he can’t swallow and makes him gag. I guess when we go for our check up in a few weeks I will just have to have a talk with the Dr. and see what we can come up with. Until then I guess I am taking the “any calories are better than no calories” stand point.
Well… That’s what I know today.
And the Defense Rest…
14 Feb 2011 Leave a Comment
After nearly 3 weeks of testimony, today we hear the closing arguments from both sides of the Widmer case. This trial has been very different from the first two. For the time the Prosecution was able to show a motive, the key element that has been missing from their case all along. This time around we heard from not one, but two mystery witnesses. The first was a witness for the prosecution; Ms. Jennifer Crew came forward to claim that Ryan Widmer had spoken to her on the phone one night and told it all, admitting that he had killed his bride of only a few months. The next mystery witness was one for the defense. Mrs. Melissa Waller took the stand to say that she had also spoken with Ryan on the night of this supposed phone call and he was not at all distressed or upset or drunk (all things Ms. Crew claimed) and that she doesn’t believe that Ryan would admit to something he didn’t do.
There were expert witnesses for both sides. The problem with expert witnesses though is Juries tend to believe that if you are paid to testify, you could probably twist the evidence to benefit whatever side was paying you. How much they really take from the expert witnesses is yet to be seen.
And just in case this trial hasn’t had enough twist for you, this morning the prosecution filed a motion to allow the jury to consider a lesser charge of manslaughter. For the less judicially savvy among us, you’re probably wondering what the difference is between the two. The United State Judicial System distinguish between cold-blooded killings, crimes of passion, and accidental (but still unlawful) deaths. In America, “murder” applies to carefully pre-planned deaths, such as a mafia hit. “Voluntary manslaughter,” on the other hand, is what’s committed when, for example, a husband finds out his wife is going to leave him and snaps. A third category, “involuntary manslaughter,” covers situations in which the death is neither pre-planned nor intentional. For instance, convincing your buddy that riding his bike off a cliff would be a totally rad idea.
I think this should have been an option in the last trial, personally. It is hard for a Jury to come to a unanimous decision on murder, especially in a case like this. By giving them the option to consider a lesser charge, the prosecution is taking some of the “weight” off of the decision. In Ohio the charge of murder carries 15 years to life where manslaughter is a first degree carries up to 10 years.
Now its all up to the jury. We should know this week what they decide.
A Trial Delayed… Widmer pt2
23 Jan 2011 Leave a Comment
A jury has been decided on, alternates are in place, and we are supposed to hear opening remarks Monday morning. At least that was the plan until today, when Judge Bronson granted a motion to have the jury tour the bathroom where the “incident” took place. The new home owners, who purchased the home in 2009 after the bank foreclosed on it, gave their consent to the tour. The prosecution isn’t very happy about this decision, stating the remodeling that the new home owners have done will not give a truly accurate picture of the scene at the time. In order to allow the jury time to see the house, opening remarks have been delayed until Wednesday.
Judge Bronson has been a busy man this week. On top of Jury selection, he has had a number of motions to sift through and make decisions on. Another big question that has been plaguing the prosecution is whether Judge Bronson would allow the defense to question lead investigator, Lt. Braley, on his application and qualifications. Lt. Braley has been accused of making statement and exaggerating his qualifications on his resume for employment. The defense was hoping to be able to question his ability to accurately conduct the investigation but Judge Bronson decided that allowing this line of questioning would only lead to a “trial within a trial” and a parade of evidence that would only confuse the jury.
The defense filed a motion asking the judge to not allowing testimony from the Prosecutions expert witness, stating that his testimony is repetitive of the coroner . Judge Bronson’s ruling will allow the witness to testify.
Opening remarks are set for Wednesday, January 26th.
